Every relationship starts amazingly sweet- a man meets a lady of his dream, they both fall in love with each other….butterflies in their belly, humming of favourite romantic songs,tickling etc…. And both thought they were settled, that Each of them had found his/her own significant other with which they will fulfill purpose together, but suddenly everything went sour because the ‘ship’ was hit by a massive hurricane of what they were not prepared for;one party feels cheated while the other feels used. Unanswered questions begins to pop up- What happened to us? But you said you love me more than I can reciprocate, what changed? You said I mean the world to you, has the world suddenly come to an end without me noticing?
We must realize as individuals that for every phase and sphere of our lives, there is an existing perfect will of God, and relationship isn’t an exception. For every relationship tending towards marriage i.e. purpose-driven relationship, there is bound to be challenges, threats, opposition and sometimes antagonism, but the joint strength, utmost maturity and reasoning of both partners is required to handle and manage it. Most of us believe that if God has said it, no matter the level of our non-chalance, it will be fulfilled! I beg to disagree, except by a rare grace and mercies of God, if God has said something concerning your relationship/marriage and you didn’t play your part, it will just be a mere dream that lacks actualization ; the will of God demands utmost caution and capable handling, as well as management.
For relationships to thrive and stand the test of time, we need to understand some basics.
UNDERSTANDING IS FOUNDATIONAL
A key prerequisite in relationships is “understanding”. Understanding, in all possible dimensions. You must understand that-
-You are from different background
-You probably have different principles, ideas, world view and notion of life
-Your weaknesses and strengths differs but are meant to be augmented
-You will disagree but you have to agree in order to forge ahead
-Any relationship devoid of trust is already dead
Majorly, you must understand that different factors and agents are out to destroy the beautiful thing you have and share, therefore you must strive to protect it and prevail despite all odds.
YEA! Someone once told me, love is a sacrifice and it demands you being foolish most times. You must know that once you are in a relationship, nothing you have is really yours but your partner’s; you must be willing to give your best intellectually, materially, financially and otherwise (I didn’t mention sexually o..lol) to your partner and the relationship holistically. You can’t expect one party to give his/her all while the other isn’t ready to give up anything or at least something visible for the other to see. Be ready to meet each other half way.
YOU GIVE THE DICTATE NOT THE SOCIETY
One of the greatest gift God gave human is ‘reasoning’ realistically. You need not base your relationship on what the society (parents, church, friends and environment) dictates. Think and work on what suits you both and will uphold your union /home, interpret matters beyond the obvious. Don’t be cajoled into doing what is not, if you allow sentiments, doctrines and irrelevant traditions separate you; it could lead to a lifetime regret … don’t get me wrong, you might be privileged to get another person who is as good or better than him/her, but You would have gone through some degree of broken hearts,sleepless nights, self criticism and for the really emotional folks- some level of crying.
LEARN AND GROW
There is a Chinese slogan that goes thus “you fool me once, you are a fool; you fool me twice, I am a fool”. Don’t be a fool, learn from your mistakes and derive value from it. No one is perfect, quote me anyhow, we all pay for our ignorance at one point or the other. In relationship likewise one must submit to learning, having fumbled on a particular issue or matter, forget age, level or achievement; submit and learn things that are hitherto alien to you, especially when it relates to your partner. Don’t be defensive or try to justify your wrong; don’t make the same mistake twice lest you become a fool- L.E.A.R.N! And as you keep practicing what you have learnt, you sure won’t remain static, rather you will progress. There is something you are naïve about that your partner is versed in, find out and take a cue from him/her.
ADDRESS MATTERS WHEN DUE
Don’t ever procrastinate what should be communicated now or any other cogent matter, a ceased communication might translate to a ceased or terminated relationship. And when you address matters, make it direct to yourselves because you both will be in the ‘ship’ together; don’t go through third party, no matter how relevant the person(s) is/are and the effort they had invested in you two. Matters that can be easily solved can degenerate into something unimaginable, if not handled in time and between the two concern parties.
These are but few of the numerous factors that need be considered for a godly and great relationship to stand. Some of us, based on our experiences know much more things that could help our relationship but we wouldn’t apply it, the earlier we take positive steps; the better. Relationship isn’t an itch-free journey, storms will rage, there will be lightening and thunders, and even a threat of wreck, but lovers must conclude to stand the test of time; otherwise the one-time loving relationship might end up in regret and shambles. Emotional trauma disorganizes one’s life far more than other physical disaster. Think about it.